Как да излезем от капана на неперфектния перфекционизъм?

Как да излезем от капана на неперфектния перфекционизъм?

Вероятно причината да хвърлиш един поглед на статията е, че си забелязал как често се поддаваш на перфекционизма. И сигурно  си мислиш – искам да дам най-доброто във всяко едно отношение, по всяко време – което на пръв поглед звучи много добре,нали? Вероятно искаш и най-доброто за психичното си здраве?  И aко си перфекциониционист, може би вече си си дал сметка,че това може да бъде една доста непечеливша стратегия или с други думи – кралският път към разочарованието.

Но защо е толкова „грешно‘‘ да се стремим към идеалното? Защо изобщо да преодоляваме перфекционизма като можем да превъзхождаме жалката маса от хора?

Перфекционизъм vs. стремеж към усъвършенстване

Проблемът не е в стремежа към осъвършенстване разбира се, а в стреса, който се предизвиква от усещането за потенциален провал. Вдействителност перфекционизмът намалява ефективността ни, не я засилва. Перфекционистите доста по-често още в зародиш зарязват или се отказват от изпълнението на дадена дейност или задача ако усетят,че съвършенството няма да бъде постигнато веднага или че няма да успеят да я изпълнят „достатъчно добре“.  Наред с това при тях се наблюдава тенденцията да отлагат. Нежеланието на перфекционистите да започнат дадена дейност е напълно разбираемо с оглед на натиска (който разбира се те самите си налагат) дадената задача да бъде изпълнена до абсолютно съвършенство.

Тъмната страна на перфекционизма

Перфекционистът гледа на реалността през призмата на крайностите – „или всичко или нищо‘‘. Или нещо е перфектно или е тотален провал – липсва идеята за среда и различни нюанси. Никога нищо не е „достатъчно добре‘‘. А колко добре всъщност е „достатъчно добре‘‘? Небезизвестен факт е, че „черно-бялото мислене“ е една от ключовите характеристики на депресията. Неслучайно Надич и колеги дефинират перфекционизма като „патологичен стремеж към често недостижимо високи стандарти, който е тясно свързан със състояния като тревожност, депресия и хранителни разстройства“ . В този смисъл с преодоляването на перфекционизма може допринесем и за подобряване на цялостното ни психичното здраве.

Как да излезем от капана на перфекциозма ?

  1. Преразглеждане на стандартите :

Проблем ,с който перфекционистите често се сблъскват, е ,че рядко си позволяват дори за миг да не бъдат перфектни. По този начин за тях е невъзможно да видят, че нивото на усилия, които полагат , понякога може да е убийствено високо. Повечето перфекционисти тук биха казали : „Всичко, което правя, е абсолютно необходимо“, което е еквивалентно на фразата на алкохолиците „Мога да спра винаги, когато искам“.  Добър начин за преразглеждане на стандартите ни е не просто да се фокусираме върху резултата, но и върху цената, която плащаме. Перфекционистите постигат резултати, но те често се държат така сякаш прекараното време и/ли вбесяването на другите около тях нямат никакво значение. Наистина ли един допълнителния час, отделен в преразглеждане на работата ти си заслужава граматичната грешка, която  си си открил? Какъв е предишният ти опит с неща, които си направил „по-малко перфектно“? Предавал/а ли си някога репорт, преди да го провериш 200 пъти? Оцеля ли? Ако не се е получило, толкова ли катастрофални бяха резултатите? Така, когато всички фактори биват взети под внимание – време, стрес,липса на спокойствие,спонтанност, личен живот – доколко стандартите ти са реалистични?

И ако вече си достигнал/а до извода, че стандартите ти са извън контрол,  какво можеш да направиш оттук нататък?

  1. Хипотетично тестване

Можеш ли да се опиташ да изпратиш този мейл, преди да го провериш три пъти? Можеш ли да си позволиш да не измиеш банята 5 пъти, преди да дойдат гостите ти? Можеш ли да изпратиш проекта си навреме дори и да усещаш, че не е на 100%? Отличен начин да тестваш перфекционистките си мисли и прогнози е да си направиш няколко малки експеримента, още известни като хипотетично тестване. Например ,ако имаш навика да пишеш прекалено детайлни резюмета , можеш да пробваш да не включваш част от детайлите и да видиш какво ще стане. Без значение от резултата, ще получиш ценна информация. Ако няма последствие, ще разбереш,че вярването ти,че да включиш всички детайли е изключително важно, не е вярно. И дори ако резултатът е нагативен, наистина ли е толкова зле, колкото си предполагал/а? Възможно ли е по-малкото  всъщност да е повече?

  1. Намаляване на гласа на вътрешния ни критик.

Наистина ли вярваш,че всичко, което не е  на 100%, е пълна нула? Опростеното мислене на принципа всичко или нищо не е акуратен начин да преценяваме живота около нас. Дори най-умните и интелигентни хора могат да правят много тъпи неща понякога. Повечето неща в живота са относителни. Можеш да оставиш черно-бялото си мислене за наистина простичките ситуации от типа на това дали да се преместиш от пътя на приближаващо пред теб огромно превозно средство.  За да избегнем мисленето на принципа всичко или нищо, можем да си задаваме въпроси като „ В скала от 0 до 100 къде се намирам по отношение на задачата, която изпълнявам? Дали ако допусна грешка, това автоматично ме вкарва в 0-та или мога да намаля само една степен по-надолу?  С колко бих бил комфортен и задължително ли е да бъде винаги 100%?

Предизвикването на тези мисли посредством скалиране доста помага, но е факт,че понякога страха от липса на контрол, може да бъде толкова силна,  че идеята да направиш нещата „достатъчно добре“ просто те поглъща. И ако  в крайна сметка се проблемът е страхът,  може да го третираме по същия начин, по който третираме и всяка една друга фобия…

  1. Очи в очи със страха

Фактът, че хората можем да се аклиматизираме към всичко, понякога може да бъде много разочароващ. Втората топка сладолед никога не е толкова сладка, колкото първата. Но в някои ситуации свикването и аклиматизирането може да бъде изключително полезно. Да се срещнеш със страха е клише, но както всяко друго клише , носи доза истина. Колкото повече  и по-често се подлагаме на нещо, с което не сме конфортни, толкова повече то ни става също толкова рутинно като това да изгледаме един филм 300 пъти.  Остави къщата в пълен безпорядък за ден. Облечи се,без да гледаш огледалото и да седиш 15мин пред гардероба. Или просто можеш да предадеш задачата, без да я предглеждаш 3 пъти. И да, може да бъде много стресиращо в началото – затова можеш да го разиграеш в главата си няколко пъти, преди да го пробваш live.  И ако не се чувстваш некофортно, докато го правиш – значи го правиш грешно.  Солидните резултати изискват консистеност, отдаденост и практика , но ако си перфекционист това е твоят специалитет, нали така?

  1. Развиване на чувство за хумор

Всички диктатори мразят хумора. Хитлер дори е известен с това,че е забранил стенд-ъп комедиите. Идеята тук не е, че сравняваме перфекционистите с Хитлер, а че хуморът ни помага да сме гъвкави. Така избягваме ригидните гледни точки и перспективи. Често перфекционистите изпитват трудност да видят смешната страна на нещата. Ако си перфекционист, вероятно често си получавал коментари, че  не държиш на бъзик или взимаш всичко прекалено насериозно. Чувството за хумор зависи от умението ни да обърнем перспективата и гледната си точка, което е от ключово значение, когато нещата не ни се получат по най-добрия възможен начин или така, както сме се надявали. Все пак „животът е твърде важен, за да го взимаме насериозно“.

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